pre-flight jitters

After 3 years of waiting, it all boils down to this moment. Only one more sleep, and I will be heading home. I don’t really know what to feel about this. Excitement would raise my hopes up (as if it’s not sky high already from the build-up of expectations over the years), which may lead to disappointment because let’s face it, things don’t always go as planned. Fear of what might or might not happen (fear of the unknown) would probably make me overanalyze all the possible situations, bum me out and depress me from what is supposed to be “my moment”.

So I chose to focus on the significant details of my trip. Did I forget anything?check. double check. I preoccupied myself with making check lists and thinking hard of what I need to do for my flight tomorrow, as well as all the pabilins of my family. The long list of things to buy should easily distract me and it did, thankfully. At the back of my mind, I’m also thinking about the board exam I had earlier. What if I F*ckd it up? D nako papauwiin ng pamilya ko. My mind is just full-on chaos at the moment.

And as I try to clear my mind from all these, I realized that I actually did it. Things actually went according to plan for once. When I got here, that was the plan. I will go home as soon as I finish my studies and I did it at the time that I was aiming for. Not a day went by when I didn’t think about this (No bullsh*t). It was my motivation, my driving force in everything that I did at school. And I'd like to think that it has gotten me to where I am at this moment. This is my nilaga after my pagchachaga, My sunshine after the rain, My gain after the pain. My light at the end of the tunnel. My…teka, naubusan ako. Hahaha :D nagpapaka-makata pa e.

And because of this, I chose not to worry about the things that I have no control over (shet. Sana wag bumagyo. Hahaha :D). I am ready and I deserve this. Squeezing 3 years in 1 month & a couple of weeks would be impossible but I’m sure as hell gonna try to make this trip worth it.

Hmmm..I smell home :P